Small promises..Small lies..

Monday, August 13, 2007

back . sorry . was working as in helping my mom at kovan these few days . so didn't get to blog though .. many things happen..but today .. is one of the ... ones that ... i couldn't bear to hold on bahh ..
had lessons..was pretty down at first as i felt tired..but after recess..guess felt much better so was pretty high bahh O.O? then...eh ... after school ... i keep remembering..bout going kovan melody..actually with suyu..charlyn they all.....go there .. visit charlyn grandma again..and brendan house is there too so yupp .. can visit too .. suppose to swim but in the end never..okay let me start with.. i called minqi first..but she said she was not going so asked me to call the rest..i called sirui..duno why ... i tink she press busy....then ... i called suyu .. she answered..said the same verse .. i hear ... sorry i forgot !...i was like....okay ..... where are u guys now then?..they were at mac..so i went along.. caught up with them..sorry that i was late -.-..and .. was hungry .. sirui was actually drinking the mr bean .. then i said can i drink a little .. suddenly she say - na,take the whole thing-then i was like .no nid larr little bit can lerr.. then she say - i very full lerr- so i said ..oh . okay . thxyou . haha . then .. eh..yea .. so we took off ..took mrt ...as we were waiting..i asked suyu and sirui..or should i say suyu .. were u shocked that i came? then sirui answered no?..with a weird face..and suyu did the same..then i was..oh..(in my mind was..why that weird face?was just asking with a happy outside..)..then we went on the mrt..i simply dun get used to it..im usually with sirui..always together..now..it's suyu and sirui..and i tried miggling to charlyn then.. we walked together..then i started talking to charlyn..same for the other two..as we(me and charlyn) were walking towards the grandma's block(in condo) at the swimming pool..then she told me that she asked suyu if i was coming anot and suyu said she duno..and said that i was different class from them liao.. when i heard all those..i was shocked .. totally .. you(suyu) were also the one who agreed on meeting up on monday with the rest..and yet u remembered me..and said u forgot..saying i was different class from you guys..and lying to me all these while ..one of the time was also when..i asked u if u putted the photos in ur comp already..you said u put in the other comp only.. but not in that comp .. but actually u already putted in that comp!..there were many lies..I BEARED ON..but u continued hurting me.. do u even care bout me?..all the caring was a lie too issit? .. it seems to me it is..why am i so quiet all those while when charlyn was not there.. was because .. i find it too difficult to talk..im too hidden inside..to even open my mouth..yes i noe u are forgetful .. but .. time by time.. i realise..all my things..u forgot .. for another person.. i thought u were a fren of everlasting frenship .. but i was wrong.. and i din expect myself to be pouring myself out to another person who i barely talk to..and i thank her..imagine if she was not there..guess i would not even noe the truth..is the truth really so ugly?..or is the lie really so fun?..im confused..i forgave u time by time.. but u dun seem to treasure it..maybe after u read this post..u might feel angry or .. sad or ? .. and spread it around .. but im not scared to face any consequences..as im tired.. if i said anything wrongly .. tell me then.. my frens in 2joy..seem to be all gone..except i realise .. the boys..from there..are still as joyous..and normally close..but the gurls..onli some.. and most have drifted away..why?..u promised to remember me..but .. why...
later went home..with suyu...sirui...brendan..and andrew .. went down the escalator mrt station..and i just kept quiet all the way.. i wished charlyn was there..at least someone to talk to..i already feel like cryin during the whole journey..then kor was going up the other side of the escalator..he saw me and shouted my name.. i looked up..with a gloomy face of course..mind full of thoughts..looking at him..thinking..why do he always appear at my lowest time?..most of the time.. and i just replied hi..and he looked at me with a weird expression.. like .. what's wrong.. and i was like .. doing that duno action and just looked down on the escalator steps again..suyu saw him..and waved..and they were doing signs top of my head..i din seem to bother..just keep thinking of memories..times...many things.. and expected..he smsed me.. but somehow.. i din tell him anything.. then... sitting in the bus... with suyu and sirui..they got off earlier as they discussed during the escalator .. that sirui going to suyu house download the audition..as her dad allowed her to play again..yes she was happy..and..when they got off..i felt..so lonely .. so .. remoted..like... so tired...last time.. we would all get off together..now..it's all so different..i wondered..have they ever felt for me .. after i left the class..?..
to me.. i suddenly felt..wad's the point of missing them..
im totally worn out...
just because of ...
pathetic frenships .. hanging at the bottom of my heart..
feeling worst betrayal ... worst swears...
just wonder..who will ever understand?..
nvr gonna feel any better ...
god of my forever..and forever i will sing..*tears flowed down*..
wad can i do?...

Labels: cries..nights..

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dorothy out
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